Stark Raving Sane

Maybe I’m Nuts…But…I’m just NOT getting the whole Charlie Sheen “Winning” thing. What exactly is this guy…”Winning?” Did I miss the contest announcement? After 8 rounds with Ali in Ziare…Forman looked closer to “winning” than Sheen does NOW!

CBS just announced that they have FIRED (after the same sort of careful consideration and consultation Obama adheres to with the UN I’m sure) Charlie Harper…I mean Sheen (for the life of me I don’t know HOW I confused the actor with the character he plays) for his off screen antics. Makes me wonder what precisely was the last straw.

 

One of the “goddesses” (and trust me I use THAT term loosely) also walked out on Wild Thing. Perhaps she isn’t quite as stupid as she looks. The…ahem…”goddesses” were two…um…”professional” (again loosely used) girls who were tied (loosely I’m sure) to the 2 ½ Men former star as his…travel partners.

I’m sure ol’ Chuck is “interviewing” potential replacements for this coveted position even as I write this piece. 

1 ½ Men was CBS and Warner Bros. biggest money maker and the highest rated sitcom on the air. Carlos Estevez was the highest paid actor on TV making 2 million dollars per episode. Now…he’s just the highest out of work actor NOT on TV. Great career move there Chaz. Of course he said CBS would have to BEG him to return and he WOULD if they paid him…3 million per episode…That was less than a week before they officially FIRED him.

“Winning!!”

Chuckles also claimed to have Adonis DNA (CSI is checking on that) and tiger (given the…goddesses…I can only assume he meant Tiger Woods) blood in his veins. And people think he’s losing his mind. Now the genius says he and Sean Penn (who is ALSO a keen judge of character…just ask his pals Hugo and Fidel) are going to Haiti to help (who or what is not entirely clear) and I have just one note of advice for Penn;

SEPARATE ROOMS!!!!!

Even I think this is...wrong.

The star of 2 ½ kilos has announced that he (and he alone…what? No goddesses?) has “cured” himself with the power of his own mind while holed up (insert your own “goddess” joke here) in his Hollywood home which he has dubbed…The Sober Valley Lodge. I’m sure that’s only a temporary arrangement while they get a nice soft sided apartment ready at the Sunnyvale Farm. Calling his house the Sober Valley Lodge is a little bit like calling Libya a Resort and Spa. 

Well…maybe the Lodge and the Spa DO have something in common as the kings of both castles rate their goddesses by the number of humps…..

There’s a mental image that’ll stay with ya for a couple of days. You’re welcome.

I’m not saying this is a melt down of Chernobyl proportions (yes I am) but…I haven’t seen a downward spiral like this since they opening night of Twister! In a matter of weeks, bong-o has lost his kids, his show, his publicist, a 2 million dollar a week salary, one goddess, his credibility and his dignity. Of course he DOES (or so he says) have a deal in the works to star in…hold on to something firmly anchored…Major League 3. Now if THAT’S not a brilliant upward move I don’t know what IS.

It’s hard to believe (nearly IMPOSSIBLE really) that someone who is such a complete LOSER could for a nanosecond believes that he is…”Winning.”

Perhaps someone light years closer to sanity, like…Tom Cruise…could jump up and down on Charlie’s couch and talk some sense into the guy.

Or…Maybe I’m nuts.

I'm Craig Andresen